“Entertain us now” they cry,
We ask how and wonder why.
Our tunes so dull they do not please?
Should we fly in on high trapeze?
With dancing girls in fishnet hose,
We each a clown with reddened nose?
To eat some fire and swallow swords?
Is that what the entrance fee affords?
At the Hallé and the Phil,
Do listeners get quite a thrill,
From cellists telling jokes so blue
While playing Bach and Mozart too?
And did Sir John Barbirolli
Come across as rather jolly,
Reciting limericks quite rude
As he conducted Buxtehude?
Perhaps the leader, with his fiddle,
Plays games of Piggy-in-the-Middle
Trying to intercept a pass
Between the woodwind and the brass?
Do trumpeters for their part
Display the ventriloquial art
While triple-tonguing loud and clear
Enunciate “gottle of gear”?
At Old Trafford and The Kop
Do flying wingers sometimes stop?
And lift spectators from their seats
By reciting odes from Keats?
To give the crowd some further fun
They’d ice a cake and bake a bun.
And while down by the corner flag
Do keepy-uppy dressed in drag?
We jazzers now must have a pact
To try and smarten up our act
With prestidigitation grand
(To you and me that’s sleight of hand).
Exhibitionists in our pomp
Cartwheeling during rag and stomp.
And throughout all the razzmatazz
Discerning listeners say: “THAT’S JAZZ”.
|A lovely poem, if I may say,
Makes a change from the every day
Moans and groans that come my way
So maybe this will bring in time
Witty comments which actually rhyme
If not now, then later today
Playing jazz at a wedding
Sometimes for boredom you are heading
Nobody at all is listening
Those jazz ears they are missing
Friends and relatives they all chat away
They have not seen each other for many a day
You're just a noise in the far background
A sort of pleasant wedding sound
Talking between tunes is no use at all
You might as well be talking to a wall
If you decided to pack up early and go
Nobody would notice nobody would know
You get people who ask for a top ten song
They know nothing about music they are wrong
And often someone says the drums he can play
Of course in that situation it’s definitely no way
So it’s one of those gigs you just play for the dosh
Whether it be small or a wedding that is posh
Nobody has appreciated your jazz skill
At least the money will help pay the bills
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